I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
