after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
