you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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