The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
