i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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