she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
not ubering you a puppy
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
