Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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