Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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