I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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