Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize