Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
