i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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