I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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