i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize