Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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