I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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