Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
