Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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