I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
