Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
