i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
