she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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