and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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