Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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