Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
