my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
