theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
