he wants to bone in the snuggie
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize