I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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