He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Boobs speak an international language.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
