Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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