Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
