More tranny stories later!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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