As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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