I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
