This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
