Who did Billy Mays play for?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
