it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
