There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
