why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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