erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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