I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
