And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
