I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
