i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
