I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
