So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we made out on top of his cat.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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