at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
