I wish you could order shots online.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
