Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
