I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
