i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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