I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
