my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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