So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
