You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
