dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
