my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
