really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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