ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
