never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
