If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
