Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
