I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
