Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
In America we eat man semen.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
