So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
