I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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