I need to stop coming to work sober
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
