dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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