Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
