I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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