I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
