I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
