Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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