So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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