i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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