I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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