my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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