apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
