ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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