Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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