i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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